Well, she's my mother. She is Maria Luz, an original Filipina beauty with fair complexion, a slim body molded by challenges and experiences in life and a natural hair and eye color. She was born on the dawn of September 22, 1970. She has the most genuine personality and a down to earth person I have ever known in my life. My mother never stops caring us. Waking up early in the morning just to cook for our food in breakfast. She knows what is best for us.
I can consider my mother as my hero for she will do everything for me. As the Mother's day celebration is closely coming, I think it is time to pay back to her, to give her the most prestigious reward for she is the most important person in my life. <3
The paragraph you have written shows a vivid description of your mother.
ReplyDeleteThings to improve:
Remember to use parallel structure (e.g. instead of " She has the most genuine personality and a down to earth person I have ever known in my life. " You can say: "She is a genuine and the most down-to-earth person ..."
Choice of words:
it is time to pay back to her (it is time to recognize and appreciate all her . . .)
Rating:
a. Introduction - 4
b. Content - 17
c. Conclusion - 4
d. Coherence - 4
e. Diction - 4
f. Spelling - 4
g. Grammar and Mechanics - 8
h. Legibility - 4
Total - 49/60
1. You were able to write a simple but beautiful description of your mother despite some grammatical flaws.
Delete2. You may want to consider the following:
- But in my case, I already found the one who saves my life since the day of my existence until the day I die (hopefully) giving unconditional love, unlimited care and enough advice with extra hugs and kisses that makes me feel special to her. = You may reconstruct this sentence and remove some unnecessary words. For example, “But in my case, I already have someone who gives me comfort. She is the one who has saved my life since the day I was born and has given me unconditional love, care and advice that make me feel special.”
- “Waking up early in the morning just to cook our food in breakfast” is just a fragment.
Rating:
a. Introduction – 4
b. Content – 14
c. Conclusion – 4
d. Diction – 4
e. Coherence – 4
f. Spelling – 4
g. Mechanics and grammar – 7
h. Legibility – 3
Total: 44/60